


[annie] you're barely alive

by MissSwing



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, F/F, F/M, Mental Illness, jeff and britta are here and they have moments but this isn't a j/b fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSwing/pseuds/MissSwing
Summary: After her internship leads to exactly nothing, Annie is back in Greendale, hitting rock bottom.





	[annie] you're barely alive

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by "Jenny, You're Barely Alive" by Rilo Kiley, which I listened to a LOT while I was writing this.  
> I've played with the timeline of things post-canon, and aged Blair up to Annie's age, but compliant other than that.

Annie knew that, if she asked nicely enough, her old super above Dildopolis would rent to her again, despite the nonsense that had ensued the last time she moved out. She also knew that Abed and Troy were both back in Greendale, and that they would both jump at the opportunity to have her back, but that was somehow a less appealing option. Yes, D.C. had been temporary from the start, but no one had really thought she would go straight back to Greendale once it was over. She was a college graduate; why should she have to go _back_ to anything?

The internship had been intense, but nothing she hadn’t expected. Her peers were kind, but mostly unremarkable; her roommate, a New York native named Blair, was the only person Annie had ever met who was just as driven as her, even if Blair did seem to be there to prove a point rather than to build a career. There were more than a few long nights of Annie trying not to listen while Blair had heated phone calls with someone who could’ve been anything from a boyfriend to a boss to a nemesis.

 _Not that you’re an expert at normal relationship dynamics_ , Annie reminded herself when she found herself being too judgmental. She didn’t feel as close to Blair as she had to anyone in the study group, but she grew into thinking that maybe that was for the best. These relationships would be temporary; even when she was offered a permanent post at the Bureau, her peers would leave.

“When?” Blair had teased her. “Is there no place for “if” in Annie Edison’s vocabulary?”

Annie had blushed and shrugged. “I mean, I say it when I talk about you, too. Y’know, _when they choose Blair and I.._. not that there’s a you and I as a _you and I_ , just, y’know…” She had buried her face in her hands. “Stop me at any time.”

 “No, please, keep going. I would love to hear all the ways you can distance yourself from me.” Blair rolled her eyes.

“No, that’s not what I meant either!” She groaned and pulled a pillow over her face. “Can we go back to my ego? Or your equal qualifications? Or _anything_ else?”

There had been a lot of moments like that, of Annie over-correcting to make sure Blair knew that _she_ knew they were just friends. Annie was out as bi at the Bureau, and _everyone_ noticed Blair, but they also knew that Blair was unavailable in ways so complete they couldn’t begin to unravel them. Sometimes Annie had felt Blair looking at her more intently than she did at anyone else, and sometimes Blair would blush when Annie was in a rush and had to change in front of her, but that didn’t mean anything. If Annie had learned anything at Greendale, it was that nothing meant anything until someone confirmed that it did.

Ultimately, Annie had been wrong about either of them being offered a permanent post. Blair had invited her to spend a few weeks with her at her vacation home in Paris, but Annie knew she, once again, had to start planning for real life. They parted with promises to see each other again, and a lingering kiss on Annie’s cheek.

She spent her first week back in Greendale at a Motel 6, listening to unseen animals move through the walls and scrolling through her Instagram feed. She didn’t linger on Blair’s posts, only looked long enough to see that her boyfriend used more hair product than Jeff, and that he clearly didn’t deserve her. The study group spent more time together than she had expected. Abed was back from LA and Troy was back from the world at large, so they were inseparable; Britta and Jeff went to a lot of bars, sometimes with Frankie and sometimes without, where they took vanity shots of Jeff and hot “quirky girl” pictures of Britta.

_I should’ve gone to Paris. I should’ve gone anywhere else._

She stayed up all night planning a new future, a grand plan that would start exactly a year from whichever night she was writing. It was during one of these late nights that she gave in and emailed her old super. She typed out a text to Abed about a movie night and maybe staying with him until her new place was ready, but she left it unsent. She didn’t want to explain why she had taken five days to let him know she was back in Greendale, and she _really_ didn’t want to admit she would be staying there for the foreseeable future. She knew he would ask why she, with her impressive resume and unshakable spirit, couldn’t just start over somewhere else, and she didn’t know how she would answer him. It had been easier to talk about it with Blair.

_“You’re Annie Edison. I’ve only known you a month and I know what that means. Why not stay in D.C. anyway, or move to New York? It’s where you’ll end up anyway.”_

_“Oh really?”_

_“Yes, of course. Anyone who matters, lives in New York. If they don’t, it’s because they don’t know what they want, or how badly to want it.” Blair had looked up from her laptop and, with nothing but her own silent willpower, had forced Annie to look at her. “And you? You know how to want things. You just don’t know if you think you deserve them.”_

Blair knew that that uncertainty was what made Annie too afraid to just…go for it, like her Greendale friends would tell her to, but neither of them said it out loud. Neither would make the other admit that the fear of rejection, of failure, was stronger than the fear of stagnation, but they both knew it. It was why Blair was living like a socialite, with a resume as an accessory. It was why Annie didn’t let herself go after something unless someone offered it to her first.

It was why their only kiss was an _almost_ , a barely-there goodbye.

 Annie didn’t end up calling anyone until she had to move into her new apartment. She was, by the loosest definition, lucky to be able to move back above Dildopolis for the same low rent. She was tempted to pay movers, but reminded herself that she didn’t have a stream of income yet.

She stared at Jeff’s number for five minutes before sighing heavily and calling Britta.

“Annie! Jeff and I were just talking about you! Are you in town, are you back?”

 She winced at Britta’s enthusiasm, and couldn’t help but wonder if it was Jeff and Britta or Jeff, comma, and Britta.

“Um, yeah, I’m back. For now.” She took a deep, steadying breath. “Are you free tomorrow? I could use some help moving into my new place.”

“Wait, you’ve been back long enough to have a new place but you’re only calling now because you need something? I call bullshit, Mitt…Romney.” A few seconds passed, and the real weight of Annie’s request set in. “A new place, like you’re staying?”

“For now, until I figure out what’s next. I’ll tell you all about it while we unpack!” Annie knew Britta was smart enough to see through that, but hoped she was generous enough not to mind. “I’ll buy pizza for everyone, if you can talk them into it. I’ll even get Troy that weird beer Pierce got him into.”

“I’ll try, but I know Abed has Troy on a pretty strict schedule for their movie.”

“Their movie?” Annie wasn’t surprised, but she was skeptical.

 “Yeah, but don’t even bother asking about it, because all you’ll get is a big dumb lecture about ‘closed auditions’ and ‘a different direction’ and ‘I’m not letting you Britta this one.’ Didn’t we agree to stop saying that? How could you all Britta _that_?”

Annie winced at Britta’s attempt to reclaim the insult, but gave her credit for trying.

“Okay, noted. Do you think you can call them tonight? I would do it, but I have to deal with paperwork.”

“Yeah, sure. Jeff’s here, if you wanna ask him though.” She paused, and what she said next was muffled through her hand on the mouthpiece. “Annie’s going to ask you to help her move, and you’re going to say yes. Yes, you are! Here, I’m giving you the phone.”

“Hey, long time-”

“I don’t expect you to help me move! I know how you feel about favors like that, I wasn’t going to ask and you don’t have to say yes, who even put Britta in charge of my move? Not me!” She felt her voice rising toward hysteric, and dug her nails into her left palm. _Pull it together Edison._ You _left_ him, _remember?_

“Please, I would rather help you carry some boxes than help Troy recover from some incomprehensible moving injury, and you know it. Just let me know when to be there, and how much beer to bring.”

“Seriously?” _Seriously, that’s all you have to say to me?_

“Yeah, of course. I mean, I had thought I would get to hear about your government adventures over dinner and drinks and not between mediating unpacking debates between Britta and Abed, but I’ve missed you.” His voice went soft toward the end, and she couldn’t tell if it was because Britta was in the room, or if it was genuine softness.

“I’ve missed you too. I’ll text you the info, and um. I’ll see you then.”

She hung up, and tossed her phone onto the only chair in her motel room. The last time she saw Jeff Winger was supposed to be…the last time she saw Jeff Winger, and realizing that wouldn’t be the case, made her want all sorts of things she would never admit. Made her want to text him, to ask what he would have considered girlish and inappropriate all those years ago. Made her want to call Blair, queen of dramatic reunions. Made her want to leave her motel room and never look back.

Made her dig through her duffel bag, and pull out three Adderal.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it so far! This is my first work, and it's also unbeta'd, so please be gentle ♥


End file.
